sanama

it’s so exhausting to try to understtt## that

it’s so exhausting that

texts that should be understo## and arrive in a space where one tries to underrrs#

though one doesn’t underrrsst# and try to exist inside of a body 

in a space where one doesn’t underrrrs## and 

wants to run away from the space however remains in it

and thinks that soon something should be said

not to reveal oneself as a mis-undersstt## subject

––

and doesn’t know how long this lasts or how long an individual can last in this state

to put oneself in what state

what is the reason for putting oneself in this state even though knowing

doesn’t belong really doesn’t belong and really doesn’t 

and lets one fall into a between-state where a rejection not yet but wants to reject

and therefore lets oneself be dragged into holes dim holes

the coldness eats the spine own coldness eats oneself finally

––

every time arrives at the space unprepared the same space

pretending prepared knowing this game doesn’t exist

or if one doesn’t believe in the game

difficult to create an illusion to be believed in